Dementia is a Journey of ‘Letting Go’

I was watching a DVD this morning and Hale Dwoskin, who teaches the Sedona Method on releasing unwanted emotions, said something which really resonated with me. He believes that children are here on earth not to learn, but to teach. If you stop for a minute and think about how children live their lives…they can throw a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store and belly laugh the next. They can be upset and throw toys at their playmates, but within minutes are back playing without hurt feelings or grudges.

There are many similarities between children and people affected by Alzheimer’s and dementia. Their lives are simple. My husband, Dave, who has Frontotemporal dementia, is 59, yet has many of those wonderful qualities of a child…his beautiful, genuine smile first thing in the morning; his ability to ‘let go’ of what happened yesterday or even moments ago; his ability to sit and be still–watching the clouds and the jet streams  in the sky. He honestly does not worry about his future. Dave has enough insight to know he will continue losing more physical and mental abilities, but he does not let those thoughts take away the beauty of what he has right now. 

I had no idea when I married this good looking, athletic man 31 years ago, he would become my greatest teacher–more than all of my personal growth books, courses and DVDs combined. I am surrounded with his energy 24 hours a day. His energy, a peaceful acceptance of what life is giving him, is contagious. He doesn’t clutter his brain with worries or shame over what people will say when he doesn’t recognize them, or when he can’t find the words to carry on a conversation. In Dave’s words…”it is what it is. Why would I be angry?”  What a gift to live with my greatest teacher and what gifts dementia is bringing into my life.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with the challenges in their life and this is how we are choosing to deal with ours. It has been a gradual process of releasing the pain and grief of my new reality; even letting go of the expectation of what I thought our life would be like in our 50’s. I finally understand that I can’t control what this disease is doing to my gentle husband, but I can control how I am living with it.