Finding Humour in Dementia
August 22, 2010 by Holly
Living with dementia (my husband, Dave, has frontotemporal dementia) can be challenging, but at the same time a great teacher. The other day Dave and I are sitting under a giant ponderosa pine tree, enjoying the sights and sounds of the birds around our pond. Since Dave’s dementia affects his language skills, he doesn’t talk very much and when he does, he likes to start a conversation with a question; then more questions. This time he is asking me about our springer spaniels…
He wants to know what time I left for a walk with them this morning; did I see any horses or other animals; was the path muddy; were the puddles dried up; what route did I take?
I am getting tired of answering questions and I am thinking…are you kidding me about what path I took? We live across the road from miles of trails in deep woods. I can assure you there aren’t signposts for Bear Ave.or Cougar Rd.
“I don’t know Dave, there are lots of trails”.
He said “I thought you were going on the lower one”.
Oh good, he has a simple name for one of them…
“Yes, that is the one”.
But to test my patience further (definitely not on purpose), Dave wants to know where I turned around. Well…that just about throws me over the edge. I turn my head away from him and in a split second I say… “I turned around at the 20th tree past the boulder“. I can’t believe those words came out of my mouth and I am afraid to look at Dave because I will break out laughing.
There is silence and when I turn towards him, he has a serious look on his face…”I don’t think I know where that is”. Oh my! Dave doesn’t realize that I’m kidding and he is trying his best to figure it out. Instead of laughing (which is just below the surface), I smile and tell him that I will show him when we go on our next hike. My frustrations completely evaporate.
When I go over this scene in my head, I know that I didn’t start off in good humour with Dave’s questioning, but somehow I found a way to lighten it up. There seems to be sadness, anger and darkness surrounding dementia but I am discovering that with a bit of patience and practice, it is getting easier to laugh and find joy in the most unexpected moments.
I would love to hear about your unexpected moments of joy or humour.
Celia on Tue, 21st Jun 2011 4:33 pm
That was cute. I felt the frustration in you. My mom has the same thing and she’s in her last stages so they say.. She doesn’t speak anymore it’s been 5 years since she stopped talking. it’s been 7 years since her diagnoses. I’m her daughter and i’ve been caring for my mom ever since. On my own…My dad helps with what he can. She fell the other day and the Dr. says it’s part of the disease
Holly on Wed, 22nd Jun 2011 7:44 am
Hi Celia,
Thanks for your email. There are many frustrating moments and every time I have those moments I learn more about myself and how to diffuse my emotions without blowing up.
Your Mom is a special woman and lucky to have you for a daughter.
All the best,
Holly