Living with Dementia is made Easier with Systems

Order, systems, routines–they are my saving grace as a caregiver for my husband, Dave who has Frontotemporal dementia (dx 3 1/2 years ago). I used to chuckle at Dave’s set routines–news at 7:40 & 8:00 am, cutting the lawn on Mondays, gym on Tuesdays & Thursdays, and now he has 2 types of jam for his toast that he alternates days. He may not remember to let the dogs out to pee but he doesn’t forget which jam he ate yesterday.

Last year I hit a major turning point in my life of living with a husband with dementia. My plate was full with running 3 part-time businesses, volunteering, cooking, cleaning, shopping and…taking care of Dave and me (sometimes our 2 grown children) I had to find a way to balance everything. I took a course from Darius Barazandeh this past winter and he said that if you want to live in a ‘state of grace’ or in a calm, peaceful state, then you need to have order in your lives. What a difference it has made in my life. The more systems I create and develop, the easier life is becoming. For example, I have many service people in my life–car mechanic, furnace guy, appliance fixer-upper, plumber, electrician, septic pumper-outer, cleaning lady, painters, garage door fixers, dentists,doctors, accountant and the list goes on for pages. To keep track of them I have a plastic accordion file case with 13 slots. Each one is labeled with plumber, electrician, mechanic and so on. On a 3 x 5 index card I put the name of the company, phone number and the name of the person I am dealing with, along with the details of what they did and the receipts. Another system I have is for making a shopping list. There is a sticky note beside the fridge with a pencil attached (pens don’t write well on vertical surfaces) and when I remember what I need on the grocery list I put it down. Then I take the note with me when it is shopping day. This saves time writing out a list and also saves time by going once a week because I don’t forget anything. Another idea is using a flip video (a small video camera that easily transfers to a computer) for recording details. The other day when Tony, a tile specialist, was fixing our retaining walls, I used the video to record the steps for preparing the surface, putting the tiles on and finally the grouting. He ran out of time and didn’t finish the grouting so I am going to do it. There are more loose tiles and it looks like it going to be a recurring issue. Anyway, I have already bought the tools and cement and will be testing my ’tiling’ skills early next week. I am looking forward to the challenge and besides, it is great for the brain to learn a new activity and …I save some money. I know there are times when my time is more valuable but I want to try it out. I will let you know how it turns out.

If there is a part of your life that seems overwhelming or confusing, work out a plan or system for it. You will notice how much easier it is when you have to contact the plumber if your hot water tank bursts or the electrician when a panel of fuses burn out. I hope this post will start the wheels in motion for you to find creative ways to live an easier life regardless of the curve balls that living with dementia throws your way.