Living with Dementia is Teaching me to Let Go of the Smaller Stuff

April 13, 2010 by Holly

Hoarding and overeating are some of the features of Frontotemporal dementia. My husband, Dave, was diagnosed 3 years ago and so far they haven’t been too much of a problem.

There is no denying that his sweet tooth has come alive with his dementia, but he shows remarkable discipline. After lunch and dinner he loves to eat 2 Dad’s chocolate chip cookies. Not 3 cookies–even if there are 3 left in the bag. I am sure I would not leave a lonely cookie in the bag when I can’t even leave frozen carrot cake alone. Anyway, 2 days ago we ran out of cookies and I wondered how he would manage until I went shopping. I think I have my answer…

Earlier this evening Dave came up the stairs with a mouth full of food. This isn’t a big deal except our kitchen is on the main floor and I was curious about a stash of food he might have downstairs. Before I could stop myself, I asked him what he was eating. Through a mouthful of food, he said “nothing”. Now 2 years ago I probably would have ‘called’ him on it and said something like “how can you honestly tell me you aren’t eating something when I see that your mouth is full”. Most likely I wouldn’t have let it go until he admitted I was right, or I became so frustrated that I would say something I would regret later. But now I ask myself…why does it matter that I need to be right? Will that add to the quality of our life?

I believe that Dave answered as honestly as he is capable of. End of story. Once again I learned how much easier it is to ‘flow’ with life rather than resist it. This is one of the biggest gifts of living with dementia. Learning to let go of the smaller stuff and focus on what is really important—living in the present moment with a husband who does his very best with the abilities he has.