Magic Moments

Living as a carer for my husband, Dave with dementia (frontotemporal dementia) is a challenging and life changing experience. There have been times (too numerous to count) when I have wanted to hand the job over to someone else. This isn’t what I had planned for the years when our kids left home and we were still young enough to travel, hike and bike wherever. But this is what life is handing us and I finally figured out that I can’t fight it and I had better learn to accept it. This is why the ‘magic’ moments in my day are so important. They keep me from going insane or becoming depressed for long periods.

Last week we spent a few days on a beautiful fishing boat with great friends and gorgeous scenery. Dave was excited to be some place other than at home with his daily routine of exercising and working on his puzzles. But when he doesn’t get his 11 hours of sleep and a 1-2 hour nap (combined with adapting to a different environment) he withdraws into his own world. There was a moment when 7 of us were sitting around the table enjoying a delicious halibut dinner and I noticed our friends laughing & chatting. Then I looked at Dave, sitting at the head of the table wearing sunglasses and a ball cap, mechanically putting his fork to his mouth and oblivious to those around him. I noticed the contrast between Dave (and us as a couple) with our friends. I was reminded of the change in our relationship and for a few hours, I felt really sad inside. Instead of crying, I wrote in my journal and by the next morning, I was feeling better. I began to pay attention to the ‘magic moments’…catching my first deep sea fish, the crystal blue sky as the fog lifted, 3 humpback whales blowing and diving, and for the wonderful friends who accept Dave for who he is now. Not who he was a few years ago.

Every day has magic moments, even though they are hard to find sometimes. You can identify them when you see, hear or feel something that makes you laugh, feel good, tingle inside, or smile. When you take a few extra moments to appreciate those moments, I guarantee they will sustain you through the tough times when you are fed up and want to throw in the towel.

Dave’s halibut