To My Beautiful Wife

Thirty one years ago, August 25^th, I was walking down the aisle on the arm of my Dad, to marry the kindest man I have ever met—my husband, Dave.

Our anniversary, which was a few days ago, turned out to be one I will never forget. I want to share a card Dave picked out, and signed with x’s and o’s.

On the front cover was…To My Beautiful Wife and on the inside it said…

Somewhere between all the places we need to be

And all the things we need to do

Are those special times that belong to just the two of us

I hope you know how much

I look forward to those moments,

And how lucky I feel

To be sharing life with you.

When Dave handed the card to me (the moment he woke up) he had tears in his eyes and a beautiful smile. As I am reading the card, my eyes are filling.  Once again, Dave  is showing me how grateful he is for staying with him, despite his dementia. “I know I am not the same person you married. Thank you for putting up with me”, he often says. When I look over at Dave after reading the card, he is still standing there, smiling at me…”have you looked inside the card?” Tucked in the back flap is American money for the business trip I am taking that day. Dave is feeling so proud because he is still able to help me out in whatever way he can.

It is now 3 days later, and I brought the card on my trip because I wanted to savor the feeling of our unconditional love in quiet times, by myself. I find it ironic. Dave thanks me for what I give him, but I am not sure he understands the gifts he is giving me. Not the material ones–the ones which last forever. The carefully chosen cards, the tears and smiles when he tells me he loves me, and for the honesty he brings to my life. Alzheimer’s and dementia have a way of peeling back the superficial ‘social’ layers of a person. Their comments can be ‘brutally honest’—not too different from listening to a young child. Their behavior can be embarrassing, but who is the one embarrassed? I know our journey with dementia is in the middle stages and there is much to come, but for now I am really enjoying the sweetness of Dave, and the sweetness of our life together. I will let this journey unfold as it naturally is meant to do, learning and growing along the way.