Working through moments of sadness

This morning Dave had just left with the dogs for a walk and I was getting ready for a run. I was sitting in the den when I noticed how tired I was feeling. It was emotional fatigue from a week of household challenges—the furnace breaking down, the central vacuum not working and a whole electrical circuit out.

Since my husband, Dave, was diagnosed with Frontotemporal dementia 3 years ago, I have gradually taken over his chores; chores that came easily to his ‘male’ brain. I had no idea how much he did until I had to pick up his end. Well, I finally have to admit that I am reaching my tipping point. I am putting up my white flag and calling for help. I realize that if I want to keep a balance in my life—working, having personal & family time, and managing our house–I need some assistance. No longer do I think I can do this by myself. My ‘dream’ plan is to hire a retired couple–4 hours/ day for 2 days a week. The husband can take care of the mechanical issues around the house, be a driver for Dave (he lost his driver’s license in December and the nearest bus stop is 9 km.), run errands and keep Dave company. His wife can help me with the house chores, including cleaning and cooking.

Besides feeling tired this morning, I was feeling sad. That isn’t a usual emotion for me and in the past, I would busy myself with work or something else to take my mind off the pain. This time I decided to sit with the pain and let the tears flow. I didn’t make a phone call to complain or to get sympathy from a friend or family member. I decided to work through it myself. As I was having a small ‘pity’ party, I looked out the windows at the chickadees, goldfinches and pine siskins eating at the feeders. I watched as the birds flew in and out, sometimes stopping at the bird bath for a drink. I started feeling better. This is what happens when I am out with nature. I notice that when I feeling a bit down, it only take seconds of being outside before I feel the weight off my shoulders, and the lightness and happiness coming back.

Throughout this past year, I am learning that the key to my happiness is within. It isn’t dependent on other people or circumstances. I am also learning that it is okay to feel sadness and grief, as long as I don’t get stuck in that stage. It seems the more I practice ‘leaning’ into my emotions and letting them ‘be’, the easier life flows for me. I have a different perspective on my life and I am realizing that abundance doesn’t come from a large bank account.

I wanted to share my latest insight with you while it was fresh inside. I just came back from a run and I am feeling 100% better. There are 3 horses down the road, which gallop towards me when they see me. I’d like to think it is for more than the carrots I bring! Anyway, they let me kiss them while I feed them and I love listening to the crunching sounds of the carrots. On my way home I heard the spring sounds—warblers in the creek, robins, belted kingfishers waiting for the ice to melt from the streams and the trill of the red-wing blackbirds. How can I feel sad listening to the cheeriest sounds in the world?

Have a wonderful day!