Letting Go of the Smaller Stuff & Looking at the Bigger Picture

I am browsing through my stack of books when a small one catches my attention–”Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” by Richard Carlson. On the inside cover, my husband, Dave adds… “And HOW!”  It has been 11 years since he wrote those words and it has taken me this long to figure out the meaning.

Almost 3 years ago, Dave, 59, was diagnosed with Frontotemporal Dementia. Initially I didn’t believe the doctors. I was confused. How was it possible that someone in their 50′s has a disease reserved for those over 80? I knew our lives would change dramatically, but I didn’t expect it to be better than before. I had no idea how easy life can be when you learn to ‘let go’ and not sweat the small stuff.

It is a couple of months ago when Dave and I are getting ready for a friend’s wedding. I carefully pick out Dave’s clothes and he is looking particularly handsome waiting for me at the front door. As I am putting on my shoes, I happen to glance over at Dave’s feet. Oh my gawd! He is wearing the most awful looking, black vinyl shoes (with elastic sides) that I have ever seen. Without censoring my inner voice, I blurt out…”you can’t be serious about wearing those clodhopper shoes to the wedding?”  Immediately, Dave says…”yes I am”. Not stopping for a breath, I run through the house frantically searching for a more suitable pair of shoes. Phew! I find a pair of my son’s shoes–not worrying they are 1 1/2 sizes smaller.

Somehow Dave manages to squish his feet into the tight fitting dress shoes. He stands there looking like his feet are nailed to the floor and if he tries to walk, his toes wouldn’t bend. It is in that moment when I finally come to my senses. I realize how silly and petty I am being. Why does it matter so much that Dave’s shoes look funny? He loves them; they are comfortable, and in his eyes they are beautiful. In fact, he tells me so. Just as we are leaving the house, Dave says that a few people have asked him where he bought his shoes. (In my head, I am thinking …oh sure they did!) But before I could say anything, he continues…”and it isn’t so they know which store to avoid!”. I burst out laughing. So does Dave…although I am not sure he understands why it is so funny.

What a breakthrough for me. We had a wonderful time at the wedding and I learned a great lesson, thanks to my husband with dementia, and his clodhopper shoes. 

A wise friend of mine told me…”If it doesn’t matter in 3 weeks, 3 months or 3 years, then save yourself some grief, and just let it go!”