Surrendering to Dementia

Usually when I sit down to write a post or an article, my head gets in the way. I begin editing and thinking too hard and the words don’t flow easily. I am slowly understanding why it happens–the first step to curing it. It is about  ‘surrendering’ or letting go of the process of writing. I need to stop worrying about what readers will think, and just write.

In fact, surrendering is a word which has taken on a whole different meaning since my husband, Dave, was diagnosed with Frontotemporal dementia, 2 ½ years ago. I have told you in earlier posts how beautifully and naturally Dave is surrendering or accepting his condition. What I didn’t know was that Dave would become my greatest teacher–greater than any personal development book or course I have taken; better than any business or life coaching session. A coach once told me that knowledge is worthless unless you can integrate it and use it in your life.  Until I was consciously watching, and experiencing life through Dave’s eyes–who surrenders 24 hours/day, 365 days/year to his challenges –I didn’t know the meaning of ‘accepting life as it is’.

Yesterday afternoon I was walking with a girlfriend of mine and we were laughing at a comment Dave made about getting lost on his way to  meet me in town. He was just kidding and having fun with his condition.  So far, he doesn’t have problems with directions or getting lost–one of the differences between FTD and Alzheimer’s. I was telling my friend how much I am learning about patience, when Dave asks 450 questions/day. About being flexible, when he brings home wagon wheels, instead of potato chips. And looking at the bigger picture when Dave decides to wear atrocious looking (but comfortable) shoes with his good outfit to a wedding. She was quick to tell me that all of these qualities and virtues fit under the big umbrella of surrendering, or letting go.

Every time I let go of how I think a situation or a feeling should be, I am ‘flowing’ with life. The more often I practice letting go, the calmer and more peaceful I feel deep inside. There is less resistance, life seems easier and each moment is more joyful. I am not kidding when I tell people I wouldn’t trade my life now for the one before Dave’s diagnosis…or even for the one I thought we would be having in our 50′s–retired, without kids underfoot.

As I said earlier, it is one thing to gain knowledge, such as the meaning of the word surrender; it is another thing applying it to your life. In my next post, I am going to write about how important it is to recognize and release your emotions, and will give you 1 or 2 energy tools to help you. Until then, try to be more aware of how you are feeling throughout the day. Notice how quickly you  stuff  your emotions down or…busy yourself to cover them up.