I LOVE early mornings–4:30 to 6:15 am is my quiet time. It is when I recharge my battery by sitting with my kitty, sipping on coffee, reading, writing or meditating.

But this morning was different…it was interrupted by my husband, Dave waking up 5 to meet his buddy at the gym. I appreciate that Dave likes to stay physically fit, and isn’t afraid to go out in public– even though he doesn’t recognize many people who say hi to him (due to his form of dementia)–but that didn’t overrule my irritation of having my quiet time taken away.

Dave lost his license last year and as I was driving him to meet his friend, I was still feeling cranky. When I came home, the dogs were pestering me to go out, and all I wanted to do was sit at my computer and work. For all of our sakes, we went for a hike that mildly put me in a better mood.

The cleaning ladies came today and when I came back, they told me that there was “doggie doo doo” in the dog’s bedroom. (Our kids have left home so the dogs seem to have taken their place). They said they were sorry about not cleaning it. I don’t blame them. It looked like a big pile of fresh cow dung (sorry for the picture) and I ended up throwing out the towels I used to wipe up the mess.

So you can see how my day wasn’t getting any better and neither was my mood.

In my ‘olden’ days (I can say that now that I am 56) I thought when you woke up cranky or ‘on the wrong side of the bed’, that you were doomed for the whole day. But as I found out, it doesn’t have to be. I decided to spend some time outside watching the birds feed and the fish swimming in our pond. Slowly I could feel myself relaxing. I started realizing that I was placing my irritation with Dave and the dogs in the wrong place. I was the one who agreed to take Dave to meet his friend. After all, it was too dark and rainy at 6 am for him to ride his bike. And, I am the one who wanted two dogs. They can’t help it if they have a mess through the night. It isn’t like they can go to the toilet.

Once I started feeling better and understood that I am 100% responsible for my decisions, I let go of the energy swirling in my head. My brain seemed clearer and I felt much better.

Today I learned 2 big lessons. When I feel irritated with someone or a situation, I need to remember that it is coming from inside and to take 100% responsibility for it. My second one was my bad mood doesn’t have to last all day—I have to be patient and let it run its course without ignoring my feelings. ‘What goes up, must come down’. In this case, what went down, must go up!

Last year I hit a major turning point in my life of living with a husband with dementia. My plate was full with running 3 part-time businesses, volunteering, cooking, cleaning, shopping and…taking care of Dave and me (sometimes our 2 grown children) I had to find a way to balance everything. I took a course from Darius Barazandeh this past winter and he said that if you want to live in a ‘state of grace’ or in a calm, peaceful state, then you need to have order in your lives. What a difference it has made in my life. The more systems I create and develop, the easier life is becoming. For example, I have many service people in my life–car mechanic, furnace guy, appliance fixer-upper, plumber, electrician, septic pumper-outer, cleaning lady, painters, garage door fixers, dentists,doctors, accountant and the list goes on for pages. To keep track of them I have a plastic accordion file case with 13 slots. Each one is labeled with plumber, electrician, mechanic and so on. On a 3 x 5 index card I put the name of the company, phone number and the name of the person I am dealing with, along with the details of what they did and the receipts. Another system I have is for making a shopping list. There is a sticky note beside the fridge with a pencil attached (pens don’t write well on vertical surfaces) and when I remember what I need on the grocery list I put it down. Then I take the note with me when it is shopping day. This saves time writing out a list and also saves time by going once a week because I don’t forget anything. Another idea is using a flip video (a small video camera that easily transfers to a computer) for recording details. The other day when Tony, a tile specialist, was fixing our retaining walls, I used the video to record the steps for preparing the surface, putting the tiles on and finally the grouting. He ran out of time and didn’t finish the grouting so I am going to do it. There are more loose tiles and it looks like it going to be a recurring issue. Anyway, I have already bought the tools and cement and will be testing my ’tiling’ skills early next week. I am looking forward to the challenge and besides, it is great for the brain to learn a new activity and …I save some money. I know there are times when my time is more valuable but I want to try it out. I will let you know how it turns out.

If there is a part of your life that seems overwhelming or confusing, work out a plan or system for it. You will notice how much easier it is when you have to contact the plumber if your hot water tank bursts or the electrician when a panel of fuses burn out. I hope this post will start the wheels in motion for you to find creative ways to live an easier life regardless of the curve balls that living with dementia throws your way.